Hello All,
So it has been more or less three weeks since I have started my decreased meds journey. It has been overall pretty good and this is down to several factors: me being aware of the symptoms that are associated with taking a lower dose/ keeping up with my exercise and mindfulness/ support from family and friends. These are all equally important factors to making the process a lot easier for me. I wanted to post this blog on Facebook, however I don’t think I am brave enough to do so yet. I have told friends and family though and I have had nothing but unconditional support. I think that’s really important to me because I have had some days where I’ve been feeling quite anxious or not quite “up to it” and the fact that they know what I am going through allows them to be understanding and supportive. One thing that I have noticed is that alcohol affects the way I feel and I have known this fact for a long time. It’s hard not to drink, which sounds really terrible, but the society I live in is based around social drinking which makes you feel unsocial if you don’t have a glass in your hand. It’s really sad. Alcohol is a depressant and not only lowers my mood afterwards but sometimes if I have too much I get intoxicated much faster and don’t like the physical effects it has. I would really like to drink less in general so I am starting a three week alcohol ban starting today. Let’s see how this goes…I don’t have any known plans this weekend but I will have a 30th on the 1st of April. I know I’ll feel better for it. The difficulty arises when I’ll be around others drinking. It would be so easy to just have one, but I need to do this for my health and to see how it affects me mentally so here goes – wish me luck!!
Something else I would like to talk about is exercise. Last year my best friend and I began running.I’m not sure if there was a particular goal in mind but I think we both wanted to get fitter and our long walks progressed into short (like two minute) runs which slowly grew in time and distance. Now don’t get me wrong – I am NO runner. At school I preferred to chat to my friends or read a book than get active. I didn’t play sport – partially out of disinterest and also because of low self esteem. I wasn’t co-ordinated. I once recall a PE teacher telling me to go sit back down again because he just couldn’t teach me how to bowl a ball correctly. I didn’t play team sports because I was sure I’d let my team down and I was afraid of being judged. So I gave up any notions of being active for my teenage years and into my early twenties. I tried running several times in the recent years only to stop after several minutes with a raw burning sensation in my throat and gasping for air. Yesterday my best friend and I ran 14k in under two hours with energy to spare at the finish line. I didn’t even have to sit down nor was I out of breath. It felt AMAZING. It hasn’t been an easy road. I lost almost all my fitness after being away seven months travelling but it took determination and self discipline to get training again and you know what? The fitness came back faster!! Starting running again has been a huge boost to my self confidence and my mood – which is why it’s SO important for me to talk about it here. I do truly, one hundred percent believe in the mental curing powers of exercise. Our bodies have been made to move. Our bodies are capable of doing amazing things when we put our mind to it, and trust me – the mind does follow. If you’re feeling down or suffering from depression it is crucial that you MOVE. Sometimes that is just the act of moving out of bed into the shower or into some new clothes. Whatever it is, it is a step forward. I understand how debilitating and physically crippling depression can be and how impossible running 14k seems. It’s easy for me to say that. But you know what? I didn’t look at the big picture. Hell, I didn’t even think it was possible for me to run 5k! But putting one foot in front of the other is not only the most basic step, but the most important one. My mood didn’t change overnight – I didn’t wake up the next day after a run and say “oh that’s cool, i’m good now”. Nope. It takes time to build that up, but it does give you hope. I went to Zumba classes or walks even if I wasn’t in the mood. I resented mum for pushing me out of bed. But I’m glad I did it. I’m glad she did it. If you find it difficult to be active on your own then seek out a buddy. Everyone is bound to know someone who walks or runs or goes to classes. And it’s OK to say “hey i’m feeling really down but I want to start being active. Will you come for a walk with me or can I join you at your local class next time you go?” you would be surprised to know how many people will be willing to help – and honored that you asked them. That’s what real family and friends are for! And maybe once you start telling people about your own mental health journey you would be surprised to learn that maybe they have been on a similar one, or at least be a shoulder to lean on. Anyway, back to exercise – when I was in Peru I started feeling a little down. I was nearing the end of my trip, I was hot ALL the time from the weather and I was bored. It was too hot to go anywhere, I was low on money so wasn’t going out so much and I was a bit overwhelmed at the prospect of going home. So I started walking again. There’s a man-made lake about two k’s away and I started walking down to it and back. The positive thoughts started to flood my mind once more. I was sweating my heart out but I was on a mission. I felt good! It’s amazing how much just getting active again and getting that heart rate up helped my mood. I started having hopeful feelings about my future and ideas and felt really enthusiastic at life. It was like exercise was the kick start I needed to power up my positive thinking and happiness once again. I was amazed. And you know what? It’s free! We have the ability (if we have two functioning legs) to walk anywhere. Really take in the smells, the sights and the sounds. I walked in the evening as the Peruvian desert sun was much too powerful during the day. I looked at all the houses, the colored birds, the smell of cooking (Peruvian food is THE BEST) and relished in the warm breeze and sound of Latin music in the distance. I enjoyed watching children play down by the lake, the sunset colors on the waters surface and the chatter of older people out walking. I felt genuinely happy because exercise was able to let me embrace my surroundings and live in the moment, which I truly believe is a characteristic of real happiness. So do try exercise when feeling down. You’ll get there. I did. Not to say I still don’t feel down. I fight the feelings every day but I’m winning. I’m accepting and I’m doing the best that I can.
Talk soon.
Lisa xx