Hello all,
Once again, my apologies for not updating faster – my laptop has come down with a virus which makes it less convenient to write (I am currently using my mothers computer in the office) and I have been so busy meeting up with people and socializing (I cannot lie!).
So, last Monday I finally got my doctors visit. It went wonderfully. I explained to the doctor my past with depression and anti-depressants. He asked me why I was choosing to wean off them and what resources I had to help me with my depression. He is a doctor of my best friend who came highly recommended and I can see why. Hes a very good listener and practical. He is not condescending and he is willing to understand where you are coming from and why. I didn’t feel rushed in my appointment and we were even able to talk about my recent trip. Upon leaving the doctors office I felt a wave of emotion, relief and happiness, so much so that I got a bit teary. It’s so nice to find a medical professional that supports your decision and listens. I felt a bit sad that it’s taken me so long to find someone like this and that I should be so elated in itself (should it be that hard to find a good doctor?), but I walked away feeling hopeful.
So what is the process he has set up for me? The doctor said that everyone is different and that when a doctor suggests a weaning period it is normally based on an indicative method (used by all doctors) that goes by the rate of which the chemicals leave the body. I explained that there was only a two week period in which I changed from Citalopram to Venlafaxine (where it was pure hell) and he said that it would have been from a higher recommendation than coming from the general practitioner himself. My current dosage of Venlafaxine is made up of two tablets that I take daily: x1 75mg and x1 37.5mg. The doctors suggestion was that for the next few months I take my dose of 75mg as per usual and my 37.5mg every other day. He told me it would realistically take about six months for the overall process of weaning off the drug and I was more than happy at that. I’m not about being rushed or going into this to get off it as soon as possible. I’m well aware of the come down effects – so I am happy to be taking my time at this.
Yesterday I took only one tablet.
I was fine until about mid-afternoon where I started to feel…odd. Bizarre. Not quite myself. Hard to put an explanation on it really. I had a headache and felt dizzy. I felt cold and tired. One eyelid hurt. I put it down to the missing pill. I felt bad because I was going to go for a walk with my friend but I couldn’t even think about walking downstairs. My friends have been so supportive, as have my family. My mother checked up on me several times and brought me chocolate. I napped and woke up a few hours later. I’m feeling a bit emotional and quite vulnerable. Before the effects hit in I was asked to go have lunch with some older family friends. During lunch, one of the women turned to me and asked if I had considered freezing my eggs (I am almost thirty). She also asked if I met anyone nice overseas and when I responded that I hadn’t she pulled a funny face and told me better luck next time. Normally, I brush off these silly comments but I was left feeling upset about this. I know it’s none of her business to say such things – there is a myriad of reasons why people don’t have children these days, all personal and all legitimate. But it really upset me. I wasn’t prepared to be antagonized but I suppose I need to be weary of who I spend time with while I am going through a period like this. It’s a shame I have to be wary at all but that’s life and you need to look after yourself first. Luckily, I have so many good people in my life that outweigh the bad and I am currently surrounded by them. My friend came over and delivered me Filipino spring rolls and had tea with my mother and I. We didn’t have to talk about the problem but her presence was good and supportive enough. Today I am at home with the animals. I am currently waiting to hear back to see if I have got a job. I really hope I get it so fingers crossed. I am mentally prepared for the prospect of not getting it too. I want to go for a run (I have a 14k race coming up next week) so I will try that and see how I go. My aim is to run around 6k today. I still feel odd. Not quite myself, which is ironic considering the name of this domain! I feel out of body like I am floating. I want to be open to others about what I am going through because I don’t want this to be taboo. I don’t want people to think you can’t talk about this…which is one of the reasons I am keeping this blog. I hope that anyone reading this isn’t suffering in silence. People are more supportive than you take them for and if all else fails then anyone can talk to me and I’d be more than honored to lend a listening ear.
Anyway I better get on with my day. I need to make a list of things that need being done (lists keep me sane) and convince myself to do this run….joy!!
Take care everyone 
xx